I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
