Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize