WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
