Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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