so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
