hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am in a vortex of obligation.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
