You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize