I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
