honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
