Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
