you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize