I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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