He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
