reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my being single is dangerous.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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