Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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