Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
