So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
