So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
