I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
