I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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