matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
