how can u be prego again
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
