Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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