Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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