Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
