even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
