hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
