im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
