Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize