I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
