I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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