My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize