my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
