my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize