Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I could make wine with my vomit
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
