areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am one with the molecules
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize