Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
