I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
