Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
