he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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