I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
