Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
