We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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