Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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