There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just invented taco cereal.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
