He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
