I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think i have two assholes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
