she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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