your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
