Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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