just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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