You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
