feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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