Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
