So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
