I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
third nipple confirmed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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