Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
