Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize