whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
