Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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