my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
