You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
