when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
two words: eviction party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
