I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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