So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
