Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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