did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I could make wine with my vomit
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize