Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
