Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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