She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
