i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
