Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
