How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize