its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
