paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
