return my video game
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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