maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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