i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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