so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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