and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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