the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
