Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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