I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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