the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
