Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
