I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize