I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
