Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
last night I used snow as a chaser
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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