yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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