Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
