Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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