before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
