wanna go halves on a baby?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
NoShamevember. You game?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
