need another drink. this is the easiest way
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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