dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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