If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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