I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
