i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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