Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
