i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
