ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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