Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
