..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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