Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
