i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
