That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
